When Your Ex Says “No” to Christmas Morning
The phone rings at 7 AM on December 23rd. Your child is crying in the background, asking why they can’t spend Christmas morning with you this year. Your ex is on the other line, firmly stating that according to “their interpretation” of your parenting plan, Christmas belongs to them. Sound familiar?
If you’re going through a divorce or custody modification in Tacoma, you’re probably wondering how to make sure your holiday and vacation time with your children is protected. The good news is that Washington state law provides clear guidelines for creating a Tacoma parenting plan holiday schedule that is fair, enforceable, and designed to reduce conflict so your family can focus on making memories.
What Does Washington Law Say About Holiday Schedules?
Washington Revised Code 26.09.184 requires that permanent parenting plans include “provision for holidays, birthdays of family members, vacations, and other special occasions” as part of the residential schedule. This isn’t optional language – it’s mandatory.
The law recognizes that holidays and special occasions are some of the most meaningful times for families, and children deserve to maintain connections with both parents during these important moments. However, the statute doesn’t dictate exactly how holidays should be divided. Instead, it gives families flexibility to create arrangements that work for their unique situations.
Under RCW 26.09.184, your parenting plan must be consistent with the best interests criteria found in RCW 26.09.187 and RCW 26.09.191. This means the court will consider factors like the strength of each parent’s relationship with the child, past involvement in parenting duties, and what arrangement serves the child’s best interests.
How Do Courts Handle Holiday Time in Tacoma?
Pierce County Superior Court judges have seen every type of holiday dispute you can think of. They’ve learned that vague language like “we’ll work it out” or “reasonable holiday time” often leads to conflict and confusion.
Instead, Tacoma family courts prefer detailed, specific holiday schedules that leave little room for interpretation. A well-crafted holiday schedule should address several key components.
First, it should clearly define which holidays are covered. This typically includes major holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, and Halloween. Don’t forget about birthdays – both the child’s birthday and parents’ birthdays often warrant special consideration.
Second, the schedule should specify start and end times. For example, “Christmas Day shall begin at 6:00 PM on December 24th and end at 6:00 PM on December 25th” is much clearer than “Christmas Day.”
Third, consider alternating years versus splitting holidays. Some families alternate major holidays annually, while others prefer to split holidays within the same year. For instance, one parent might have Christmas Eve while the other has Christmas Day.
What About Summer Vacations and Extended Time?
Summer vacation gives divorced parents in Tacoma special chances to spend more time with their children. Kids are out of school for about ten weeks, which means parents can plan longer trips and activities together.
Most parenting agreements include rules for summer vacation time. Each parent usually gets two to four weeks in a row with their child, and they need to give 30 to 60 days notice before making plans.
Parents need to share summer time fairly between both households. If you want to travel out of state or to another country, your parenting agreement should explain what information you need to share ahead of time.
Common Holiday Schedule Options for Tacoma Families
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to holiday scheduling, but certain patterns work well for many Tacoma families. Here are some popular options to consider.
The Alternating Years Approach This method assigns specific holidays to each parent in alternating years. For example:
- Parent A gets Christmas in odd years, Parent B gets Christmas in even years
- Parent A gets Thanksgiving in even years, Parent B gets Thanksgiving in odd years
- This pattern continues for other major holidays
This approach works well when parents live relatively close to each other and can facilitate travel if extended family celebrations are important.
The Split Holiday Approach Some families prefer splitting individual holidays. Common variations include:
- Christmas Eve with one parent, Christmas Day with the other
- Thanksgiving Day morning with one parent, afternoon and evening with the other
- New Year’s Eve with one parent, New Year’s Day with the other
This method allows children to see both parents during the same holiday period but requires more coordination and travel.
The Block Schedule Method This approach gives each parent larger blocks of consecutive holiday time. For instance, one parent might get the entire winter break (including Christmas and New Year’s), while the other gets spring break and additional summer time to compensate.
Block scheduling works particularly well when parents live far apart or when extended family gatherings are important to maintain.
How Should You Handle Birthdays and Special Family Events?
Children’s birthdays deserve special attention in your parenting plan. Many families choose to celebrate birthdays together when possible, but this requires a high level of cooperation between parents.
If joint celebrations aren’t feasible, consider these alternatives. The child could spend their actual birthday with one parent and have a celebration party with the other parent on a nearby weekend. Some families alternate who has the child’s birthday each year. Others allow the child to choose where they want to spend their birthday once they reach a certain age.
Parents’ birthdays and Mother’s Day or Father’s Day also warrant consideration. Many parenting plans include provisions that children spend Mother’s Day with mom and Father’s Day with dad, regardless of the regular residential schedule.
Don’t forget about extended family events. Graduations, weddings, family reunions, and religious ceremonies can be meaningful for children. While you can’t plan for every possible event, your parenting plan can include language about how to handle special occasions that fall outside the regular schedule.
Can You Modify Holiday Schedules Later?
Life changes, and your holiday schedule might need to change too. Maybe your work schedule has shifted, you’ve moved to a different area, or your child’s needs have evolved as they’ve gotten older.
Washington law allows modification of parenting plans under specific circumstances outlined in RCW 26.09.260. However, courts don’t modify parenting plans lightly. You’ll need to show a substantial change in circumstances that affects your child’s best interests.
Holiday modifications are often easier to obtain when both parents agree to the changes. If your ex-spouse won’t agree to reasonable modifications, you’ll need to petition the court and provide evidence supporting your request.
Consider building flexibility into your original parenting plan. Some families include provisions allowing parents to trade holidays by mutual agreement, or language permitting modifications for significant family events with proper notice.
What Happens When Parents Don’t Follow the Holiday Schedule?
Unfortunately, not all parents follow their parenting plans. If your ex refuses to return your child after their scheduled holiday time, or if they interfere with your scheduled vacation, you have legal options.
Washington law states that if a parent fails to comply with a provision of a parenting plan, it may result in a finding of contempt of court under RCW 26.09.160. Contempt proceedings can result in fines, makeup time with your child, or even jail time in extreme cases.
Document any violations of your holiday schedule. Keep records of missed exchanges, denied phone calls during the other parent’s holiday time, or any other violations. This documentation becomes valuable if you need to seek court intervention.
Sometimes violations happen due to genuine emergencies or misinterpretation of the parenting plan language. Before rushing to court, consider whether the issue can be resolved through your dispute resolution process. Many parenting plans require mediation or other alternative dispute resolution before court action.
Key Takeaways
Creating an effective holiday and vacation schedule requires careful planning and attention to detail. Remember these important points:
- Washington law requires your parenting plan to address holidays, birthdays, vacations, and special occasions
- Specific language with exact dates and times prevents confusion and conflict
- Consider your family’s traditions, travel needs, and children’s ages when designing your schedule
- Build in some flexibility for special circumstances and family events
- Document any violations of your holiday schedule for potential court action
- Both parents’ time is valuable – aim for arrangements that feel fair to everyone involved
The goal is to create a predictable, meaningful time for your children with both parents during special occasions. A well-crafted holiday schedule becomes the foundation for years of positive memories and family traditions.
Frequently Asked Questions
How far in advance do I need to notify my ex about vacation plans? Most parenting plans require 30 to 60 days advance notice for vacation time. Many parenting plans include specific notice requirements for out-of-state or international travel, which may be longer than for in-state vacations.
What if my ex won’t agree to trade holidays? Your parenting plan governs holiday time, not your ex’s preferences. If they won’t follow the schedule, document the violation and consider contempt proceedings. However, many plans include language allowing holiday trades by mutual agreement only.
Can my teenager choose which parent to spend holidays with? Washington courts consider children’s preferences based on their maturity level, but the parenting plan still controls. Some families modify their plans as children get older to allow more choice, but this requires either mutual agreement or court approval.
What happens if I remarry and want to include my new spouse’s family traditions? Your original parenting plan remains in effect unless both parents agree to modifications or you successfully petition the court for changes. Plan ahead and discuss potential changes with your attorney.
Do I have to let my child talk to the other parent during my holiday time? Most parenting plans include provisions for regular contact with the non-residential parent, even during extended holiday periods. This often means daily phone calls or video chats, unless the plan specifically provides holiday periods as “blackout” times for contact.
Contact Us
Don’t let unclear holiday language in your parenting plan ruin special moments with your children. Our family law attorneys at Schroader Law understand how important these times are to your family, and we’re here to help you create enforceable schedules that protect your parental rights.
Whether you’re creating your first parenting plan or need to modify an existing arrangement, we’ll work with you to develop holiday and vacation provisions that serve your children’s best interests while respecting both parents’ time. Every family is different, and your parenting plan should reflect your unique needs and circumstances.
Contact Schroader Law today to schedule a consultation about your parenting plan. We’re committed to helping Tacoma families create lasting solutions that work for everyone involved. Your children’s holiday memories shouldn’t be clouded by parental conflict – let us help you build a plan that puts their needs first while protecting your precious time together.